135th Post - A Troubling Week

Well, THAT was a week. It was not too bad on a personal level, but from a world view...crazy! More shootings, not just in our town, but all across Canada and the US. Seemingly random, senseless murders.

One story hit particularly close to home. A twenty-six year old man who was shot and killed after allegedly killing two people and critically shooting another, went to school with my children; played on my middle son's soccer team. This young man is a suspect in the murder of two people who by all reports were innocently working in their restaurant. This troubled boy, if at 26 you can still be considered a boy, also shot and seriously wounded his previous landlord. The police put out a warning for anyone who knew Angus David Mitchell. The concern was he was out of control and out to harm people whom may have done him wrong. Eventually, in a shoot out with the police, he was fatally shot. He was evil. He is dead. End of story.

Except that, I remember this boy when he was young...preteen. My memory may be fuzzy after all this time, but as I recall he was an angry youngster, a good soccer player, but angry. 

According to some of  his high school classmates,  he dropped out of school at about grade 11. Still a child. Some had forgotten about him until this week when his face was on all the local news channels, twitter, and our old standby; the  newspaper. Some reports quoted recent coworkers of his saying they 'knew something was wrong', and they stayed away from him. Several news reports included an angry rant he made towards a former employer. 26 year old Angus was even more angry than the 10 year old Angus I remember. 

This news rocked the community of 20 year olds who knew him. How could one of the locals become so violent? 

This story touched my heart, not just because of the memories I have of an angry young boy, but because I wonder and worry about some of the students I work with now. 

If you are a teacher, you may have wondered about where your students will turn up in 10, 20, or even 30 years. We see both the good and the not so good. We see warning signs. We warn parents, we access any resources we can for these students. 

This is where I struggle. Is it due to a lack of resources that we are still not reaching some students? Or is it an unwillingness on the part of the student to utilize the supports?  When the child is still a child,  is it the parents responsibility to go with the child and become part of the process? I suspect it's all of the above and more.

The confidentiality nature of my job prevents me from saying more, but I will sneak in this thought. When a child is struggling, most of the time they are not struggling in isolation. If a child has a struggle with their mental health, it affects the whole family. If a child is going to grow into a grounded and healthy adult, it is extremely difficult for a child to do so without the input of the entire family system. 

Before you jump all over me for sounding judgmental and 'blaming' parents...please stop. What I'm saying, in a rather cumbersome way is that we all belong to a system. We cannot get well in isolation. At least children can't. Perhaps it's different for adults, I'm not sure. At any rate, if you are a parent and your child is struggling with anger, anxiety, depression, sadness, defiance, or has become difficult to parent, please get help. Call your school counsellor, go to your doctor. Call mental health in your community. Track down local agencies who offer parenting support. Call more than once. 

If you are having difficulty coping  with your own anger, grief, depression, addiction, or anything that is causing you to struggle on a daily basis, seek out help. See a doctor, call adult mental health, find a church. Call a friend - don't isolate, don't struggle alone. 

I don't know how much support Angus got in his youth. I don't know his family. It's likely they had provided him with many supports. We don't know. But I do know this: if your child is struggling they need you to walk with them no matter how hard it gets. And you need someone to walk with you, and so on, and so on. 

There are several links in the right column of this blog. They can take you to a variety of helpful sites. Please use them. 

As for Angus David Mitchell. It is tragic that his life ended as it did; although he may have been looking for an end. There is no excuse for what he did. Families are left to deal with the impact of his life and actions for the rest of their lives. It is impossible to go back and rewrite the past, but please, oh please, let us wake up to the present. Let us look with our hearts and eyes and see and offer support to those around us who are struggling. 

I refuse to believe anything other than Better is Possible!

134th Post - Speechless

I know, I know, it's been a while. But hey, I've been preoccupied. If you've missed me please accept my humble apology and I in turn will gladly receive your forgiveness.

So what's been so important that I've neglected my blog? So glad you asked.

                         Be forewarned this is all about ME! 

Picture me jumping up and down, wild hand clapping, a grin the width of Canada, bursting at the seams to finally be able to tell that I applied for and was accepted as a Vice Principal in my school district. Woo Hop!

You know how people tell you to never say never? Well there may indeed be truth in that. When I started my teaching career m a n y  years ago, I said I would never be an administrator. Teaching music was my thing. Period. As time went on and music programs were 'ahem' reduced, I fell in love with having my own class of students for ten whole months at a time. And you know the rest of that story...I became restless and remembered the dream of my twenties about maybe, someday, being a counsellor. And so off to grad school I went:

        proudly completing my MA in Counselling; 

            becoming a member of our provincial clinical counsellor association;

               happily stepping into the role of school counsellor. 

That was that! No more changes until I crossed the finish line and stepped into retirement. Yeah right! 

Roughly two years ago, I started to get a niggling that just maybe that thing I said I'd NEVER do might just be something I might want to become. Gasp...a school administrator. I won't bore you with the details, but this past Monday, I was offered and accepted the position of Vice Principal at an Elementary School in my  district. The exact details of my assignment have not been finalized, but I am ecstatic. Seriously, I can't stop smiling. There is a sense of disbelief that this thing I said I'd never do has now come upon me. And I'm loving it!

I have a fabulous Principal who is already anticipating my needs. She has set aside my own box of rubber gloves. Apparently it's not all guts and glory; sometimes it's about cleaning up the messes. 

So what do I know?

I am blessed. For over three decades I have worked in a field that I am passionate about. I get to continue working in that same venue, yet in a different role. I get to look at education through a new lens and that is exciting.

I know there will be challenges. I know I will get tired. But I am so glad that my beloved reverend encouraged, pushed, and listened to me ad nauseam throughout this entire process. He has been my champion! 

So, forward I go, integrating all my previous educational roles. If education is the elephant in this room, I'm shifting my perspective, taking a step around to experience yet another view of this enormous beast. As I put all the pieces together it is my hope that I can pass along the passion, the joy, the hope that this job we do; the education of our youth, is the best job ever! Along with the discouragement, the frustration, the anger, the sadness, we can hang on to the joy, fun, purpose, knowing that we will not give up, because what we do is life changing and because: Better Is Possible.

It's good to be back!

133rd Post - Guarding My Heart

"By Thy grace, O God, I will go nowhere this day where Thou canst not come, nor court any companionship that would rob me of Thine. By Thy grace I will let no thought enter my heart that might hinder my communion with Thee, nor let any word come from my mouth that is not meant for Thine ear. So shall my courage be firm and my heart be at peace."

John Baillie (1886–1960), Scottish theologian and Church of Scotland minister 

(Credit to John Stackhouse Weblog)

This prayer was exactly what I needed as I sit in the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday extremely discouraged. Life has been chaotic. We've sold our condo, packed and moved. My energy was fabulous up until the unpacking part. I'm surrounded by boxes, yet am almost paralyzed in the contemplation of where to put my stuff. I have taken up every distraction possible to avoid the task of organizing. My poor dear reverend does not do chaos well: sadly I am not the best of helpmates in restoring order. 

My biggest distraction, however is not our move, not Easter, not even dealing with the disappointment of being away from our children and grandchildren during this holiday. My biggest distraction is the continued labour unrest between my teachers union and our government. 

I know! Seriously - politics is distracting me! I have been consumed with following the newest, latest, and greatest updates. Where, oh where is truth? Where, oh where is the sanity? My position is unchanged from my last post. (Click here if you haven't read it yet) I continue to be stuck in the middle or so it seems. 

So what does that have to do with John Baillie's prayer? EVERYTHING. My thoughts  have been racing, pithy retorts have been forming in my heart, unkind words that sit on the edge of my mouth needed a check. As I continue in this conflict, as I endeavor to be understood, I must be true to my calling. I must continue to live in peace. We are of this world, but this world is not my home. Have no fear, I will not be moving into the 'being so heavenly minded, I'm no earthly good', realm.

This prayer brings me back to the the main thing. As I keep my mind stayed on Him, my courage will be firm and my heart will be at peace.

Blessings to all as we celebrate Easter, a time of renewal and hope. 

132nd Post - Divorce: Who Gets the Kids?

In BC, the marriage of the TF (Teacher's Federation) and Government is fundamentally damaged. We know reconciliation is most certain to fail. The TF has so much contempt for the Government, they can barely say 'Liberal' without spitting. In turn, the Government pokes back, passes laws sure to stir up the hornets nest; inevitably hitting their mark.

This is nothing new in BC. For the over 3 decades I've been a member of the TF, the gloves come off during contract negotiations and the fight is on. Neither side can make a move in good faith, because there is no trust. The marriage is toxic.

In the worst divorces, the ones with acrimony, contempt, disrespect, and dare I say hate, it becomes evident quickly that the children are collaterals. 

Parents entrench; children remain stuck in the middle.

Opposing sides come into the negotiations not only with the experience and impact of this marriage, but also the impact of their family of origin - immediate and extended. Each side in the conflict believes they are right and the uglier things get, the more they dig in their heels. War is declared. Often the two sides can not speak at all; so intense is the loathing. Lawyers are summoned. The cost increases.

During these conflicts it's imperative to get back to the main thing:  Mom and Dad begat Jack and/or Jill.   Mom and Dad both declare they love and care for Jack/Jill the most!  Unless a child has been completely indoctrinated by one parent (parent alienation), children tell me they want the fighting to stop. They feel stuck in the middle yet often they feel a responsibility to both parents.

So why did they marry in the first place? My research indicates it was a forced marriage; shot gun so to speak. They got married cause of the kids. There is little reporting of love and only the briefest of honeymoons. There have been opportunities to introduce step parents to the mix. Social Credit, Liberal, and NPD;  they have all at one time been united in marriage to the TF. None end well. 

So here we are in 2012. The kids - and by kids, I'm referring to the teachers (bet you thought I meant students) are being pulled both ways. We, like most children,  didn't get to pick our parents. In order to teach in a public school in BC we must belong to the TF. As BC residents our other parent is chosen in democratic elections. 

I, for one, am tired of Mom and Dad fighting. My first choice would be emancipation from both of them. But we know that can't happen. So, how about if Mom and Dad (or Mom/Mom; Dad/Dad) get back to the table to listen and talk? Using their best inside voices! Let go of the rancor, contempt, hate; put the kids first! 

Oh, and about the other kids. The real kids - our students. At this point they continue to be collaterals in the divorce war between Ma and Pa! There will be an impact.

One more thing: If there is will on both sides; if the rhetoric is to be believed and this really is about the kids, then both Ma and Pa have no choice but to get back to the table and reach an agreement. The cost of not doing so is far too great! The cost of continuing the war is even greater.

At any rate, if the polls are to believed there will be another divorce and remarriage in spring 2013. And then we begin again. 

I continue to believe,
Better is Possible,

131st Post - How to Solve the Teacher Dispute

Something cheerful on
an otherwise dreary day

Happy Sunday!

Wow, where to start? 

BC teachers have voted 87% (or roughly 65% of the total membership) in favour of striking for three days beginning on Monday, March 5, 2012. No big surprise.
This is a highly emotional time for teachers and parents, as well as many students. There has been no shortage of rhetoric and so not to feel left out I shall add mine. My thoughts and opinions are based on over three decades of working in the public system as a teacher and more recently a school counsellor. I have worked in two different school districts and at a variety of schools: small/large; affluent/inner city; brand new buildings/buildings well past their 'best by' date. In short, I believe I have the earned the right to comment.  

This conflict is less to do with education and more to do with power and politics. That is not to say that there are not serious issues facing us in our public education system. There is room as well as need for improvement. There is also much that is excellent and worth celebrating. 

Yet rather than rolling up our sleeves and working constructively towards solutions, we have collectively walked away from the table and declared the Liberal Government a Bully.

Sadly, we are not permitted to address the actual  failings of schooling because we are in war mode!  Again...sigh.
BCTF vs. Social Credit
BCTF vs. NDP
BCTF vs. Liberal
Hmm...do you see a pattern? 

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results."

How radical would it be to send both sides of the bargaining team (Government and BCTF) out of the face off circle and replace them with fresh centers...a fresh perspective?  

It's time for change, real change. It's time to do it better. The paradigm isn't working. The fix is more complicated than smaller classes with less identified students. It's time for collaboration between all parties. To acknowledge what works well and what needs a fix. And yes there are both! 
Educating our youth is a high calling. It can be the best of times and the worst of times. It's exciting, exhausting, challenging, and rewarding. The question should be: how; as a union and as a government can we work towards making our system excellent? If we truly had the will it could be done but it's going to take a radical departure from our old finger pointing ways.

I will honour the BCTF's decision to stage a legal three day strike. I will participate on the 'sticket' line. What I would like in return is a new bargaining team (on both sides). I will gladly go back to work after three days and abide by Bill 22 - yes I have read it, have you? We need to cool off. We need to model conflict resolution, in the same way we preach it to our students. It can be done! 

As always I live with the hope that Better is Possible.

Respectfully yours,

130th Post - Random

It's been a while since I've posted anything meaty. I've been a sluggish blogger, choosing to settle with links and videos and the occasional book recommendation. I can't believe it's come to this. Many thoughts have come to mind, hovered, and floated away. I keep meaning to grab them and blog. Ah, the best intentions of Carol.

To get back on track I've decided to list some of the randomness that has occupied my blogging brain. Here goes, in no particular order:

1. I started on Pinterest - can you spell addiction?
2. Changed my header picture to something less wintry. No, it's not spring yet, but I just couldn't wait. FYI the picture is of a bench overlooking the North Sea in Scotland. R E L A X I N G.
3. I'm thinking of giving up wine for Lent? How long is Lent? It starts today, right?
4. Does anyone else in the evangelical tradition notice that Lent has become a big thing? It was certainly never practiced when I was growing up in the Baptist church, nor was it mentioned during my days in the Alliance. Why the sudden interest? Is it a craving for liturgy in otherwise non liturgical churches? Just wondering.
5. My good son and his new wife hid a whole dog; Betty the Pug, from me, their landlord. I knew they had Pugsley, and last weekend I very generously gave my consent to let Betty move in. Unbeknownst to me, they've had Betty all along and cleverly hid her whenever I came to visit. Sneaky kids. Me thinks this 'good child' may no longer be the good child!
6. I am troubled and frustrated with the negotiations between my union and our government. I do not understand why we are still negotiating in the same manner we did thirty plus years ago. Blame/confront/legislate, often with a withdrawal of services somewhere in the middle. Certainly there must be a more enlightened way to do this thing. I hope the next generation of teachers does it better than us dinosaurs have/are doing. 
7. We're still trying to sell our apartment. It's been almost a year. Lots of showings and a couple of low offers. We're selling in preparation for our eventual move back to the Okanagan. In the mean time we'll rent something closer to where both of us work.

The guilty pair with my grand dogs, Betty and Pugsley.

That's about it for now. This feels more like an update to friends than anything I ever thought this blog would be about. It's kind of nice. 

Enjoy your day my friends,

What is Lent? 

For some Christians, Lent has always been a part of their spiritual life, but for others it is unfamiliar. Lent is a season leading up to Easter, a time when Christians have historically prepared their hearts for Easter with reflection, repentance, and prayer. Lent begins with Ash Wednesday and proceeds for forty days, excluding Sundays, and culminating with Good Friday and Holy Saturday. Since Sundays are weekly celebrations of the resurrection of Jesus, the six Sundays in Lent are not counted as part of the forty-day season, which focuses on introspection, self examination, and repentance. Many Christians choose to celebrate a fast throughout the season of Lent, but the focus is not on depriving themselves of something as much as it is on devoting themselves to God and his purposes in the world. 

Lent is an important season of the church year. The church year is an excellent way to help focus our attention on God with the way we organize our time. Rather than following the solar calendarÕs more familiar structure, organized by the rhythms of nature, the church calendar is organized around God and his activity in the world. The church calendar follows six seasons of varying length: Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Lent, Easter, and Pentecost. Each of these seasons have different focuses: Advent focuses on the anticipation of GodÕs coming into the world, both in the incarnation and in ChristÕs return. Christmas focuses on the birth of Christ. Epiphany focuses on the light of GodÕs presence shining in the world. Lent focuses on human sin and GodÕs gracious solution. Easter focuses on resurrection life. Pentecost focuses on the ongoing activity of the Holy Spirit in the world. The annual rhythm of these seasons can have a powerful effect on personal and communal spiritual growth.

YouVersion Reading Plan: Devotional readings for Lent

129th Post - ThePianoGuys

May be enjoyed by:

Star Wars Fans
ThePianoGuys Fans (new and yet to be)
Bloggers in general.

May the Force be With You!
Carol

128th Post - Memoriam

Whitney Houston - may your soul be at peace and rest.
Your music brought much joy and delight. 
God be with your beautiful daughter as she mourns your passing.